Yesterday I found myself trying to stay present even though my beloved cat was ill. She grew up with me in New York City. She gave me support and love when I felt the city was dooming me. She greeted me with nothing but love and excitement after a long, weary day. She made me smile and laugh with the greatest of ease. She drove across country with me, braving the unknown and having total trust in me. She has been uprooted and asked to make change to many times and she does it with grace. But the moment she gets sick, she is a sad little kitty. With no way to let me know what is wrong, I allow myself to be swept away with worry and doubt.For hours, as I was trying to do work that had a deadline, I kept getting pulled away. Although there was nothing I could really do but make sure she drank some water or milk, I couldn't let my mind stay on the task at hand. Eventually, replete with worry, I took her to the vet. $180 later, her full of fluids and antibiotics in hand, we came back home. Still not 100% she is acting more like herself this morning. And yet, I still worry. Did I need to bring her to the vet? Would she have gotten better if I just let her be? Is there something else wrong?
Oh the capacity of the human mind. We all have so much work to do to understand ourselves. I find, even yet, that when faced with a mystery that doesn't give us all the information we want to ease our minds, we work so hard to stray. But remembering those times that the stars were all well aligned and things work the way we hope gives a little space to come back to the present moment and be.
