That well know phrase... "Do as I say, not as I as I do" has become so well known that it is now expected by most.  Isn't it so much easier to give advice then take your own words of small wisdoms?  We move forward through our own experiences and either learn from them and move forward or ignore them and get stuck in the same place (or most unfavorably move backwards).  Each experience builds on the last and eventually become patterns or habits.  In Sanskrit and yogic philosophy this is referred to as vasanas (experiences) building onto vasanas and becoming samskaras (patterns).  Samskaras are not necessarily a bad thing.  There are many supportive patterns (learning to drive safely, reacting to an overflowing toilet, comforting a small child that has fallen down).  But there are also patterns that should be reflected upon and worked on to make change.  These can hold us down and cause us suffering.

As a teacher, I find myself leading group or private classes in which I hope that I offer a sense of serenity, calm, and inspiration.  It is always interesting to step in front of a group of people that look to you to hold space for them.  To offer a sanctuary for them to work on their samskaras.  Teachers are put into a position that we must step away from that common and incorrect phrase...

As we are all human, we all have suffering.  We feel, we have emotions, we have challenges and for most of us not in seclusion in a cave somewhere to find enlightenment, we have interactions with others in the world.  I have found the last couple of years (and more specifically, the last year) being ones of introspection, reflection and processing.  Getting out of my own way has been proving to be quite difficult.  Changing patterns even harder.  But what this tumultuous adventure has proven is that I wouldn't have it any other way.  I have been forced to look at my own dark corners and shine a little light in them.  This has been intense at times and fascinating most of the time.  Even in moments of blubbering tears, I couldn't help but mutter how cool it was to have that experience.  And it evolves.  I am now understanding of the importance of a personal practice.  And even more so, a teacher to give you that practice.  As we all now from past experiences, the hardest things to deal with and change are the things that we don't necessarily see so easily.  Thank you to my teacher.... thank you for holding space and inspiring me to be a better person.